On the first day, she sadly packed her belongings
into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their
beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light; she put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar,and a bottle of spring-water.

When she'd finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar into the hollow center of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

On the fourth day, the husband came back with
his new girlfriend, and at first all was bliss.
Then, slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place.

Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.
Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive
wool carpeting. Nothing worked!

People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit.
Finally, they couldn't take the stench any longer, and decided they had to move, but a month later - even though they'd cut their price in half - they couldn't find a buyer for such a stinky house.

Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.


Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, t hey had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

Then the ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for having the house.

Knowing she could have no idea how bad the smell really was, he agreed on a price that was only 1/10 the of what the house hadbeen worth ... but only if she would sign the papers that very
day.
She agreed, and within two hours his lawyers delivered the completed paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home ......
and to spite the ex-wife, they even took the the curtain rods! 

FBI: Man gives teller ID before robbing bank
 <http://us.rd.yahoo.com/dailynews/ap/brand/SIG=br2v03/*http:/www.ap.org>
Thu Aug 13, 7:30 am ET
ANCHORAGE, Alaska – A 34-year-old man is in custody after authorities say he gave a teller his account number and showed her his picture ID before robbing an Anchorage bank.
The FBI says Jarell Paul Arnold of Anchorage is being held on federal bank robbery charges.
The FBI alleges Arnold walked into an Alaska USA Federal Credit Union branch Friday and inquired about the balance on his account. The teller asked for his name, account number and ID.
Authorities say he complied, and then handed over a receipt with a note on the back that said he had a gun and demanded money.
The FBI says he got away with about $600. Authorities arrested Arnold on Monday. A message left after business hours Wednesday with Arnold's public defender, Michael Dieni, was not immediately returned.
Court records say Arnold was sentenced to 57 months in prison for bank robbery in 2004.

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.
 
He had a large pond in ...   more »

This was recieved today...

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to school every morning

Uphill... barefoot...  

BOTH ways

Yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay  a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it   and how easy they've got it!  But now that... I'm over the ripe age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.  You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!  And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!


I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, We had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!



There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter, with a pen!  Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!  Stamps were 10 cents!



Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us.  As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass!  No where was safe!


There were NO MP3' s or Napsters! You wanted to  steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself!  Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and screw it all up! There were no CD players!  We had tape decks in our car.  We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished and the tape would come undone...cause that's how we rolled dog?   


We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!  And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either!  When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your Bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you
just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!


We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You  actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever!  And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!


You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was  on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel! There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bast**ds!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove ... Imagine that!

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy.  You're spoiled!!!

You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in the 80s or before!

Regards,
The over 30 Crowd

Dangers of Sunbathing Topless
Had to pass this one on - It made me laugh out loud!

I already knew I was dumber than the fifth graders, now it ' s the preschoolers turn!!??

A PRE-SCHOOL TEST FOR YOU

Which way is the bus below traveling?

A DC airport ticket agent offers some examples:
 
1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.  (On an airplane!)       
2. I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Capetown.  While I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, she interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts ."
Without trying to make her look stupid, I calmly explained, ''Cape Cod is in Massachusetts , Capetown is in Africa .''
Her response - click.
 
3. A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did.  I asked what was wrong with the vacation inOrlando .
He said he was expecting an ocean-view room.
I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. 
He replied, 'Don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!'' (OMG)
 
4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, ''Is it possible to see England from Canada ?'' 
I said, ''No.'' 
She said, ''But they look so close on the map.'' (OMG, again!)
 
5. An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas.  When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas .  When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.'' (Aghhhh)  
 
6. An Illinois Congresswoman called last week.  She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.  I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones.  Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.
 
7. A New York lawmaker called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?'' 
I said, 'No, why do you ask?'
She replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight.  I think that's very rude!''
After putting her on hold for a minute, while I looked into it.  (I was dying laughing.)  I came back and explained the city code forFresno , CA is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
 
8. A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii.   After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California, and then take the train to Hawaii ?''
 
9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?'' I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.''
 
10. A lady Senator called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola , Florida.  Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?''
I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola , FL on a commuter plane. 
She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''
 
11. A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China.  After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa.
"Oh, no I don't.  I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.'' 
I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!''
 
12. A New Mexico Congress woman called to make reservations, ''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York.'' 
I was at a loss for words.  Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?''
''Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the lady. 
After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere.'' 
The lady retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is.  Check your map!''
So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ''You don't mean Buffalo , do you?'' 
The reply?  "Whatever!  I knew it was a big animal.''

With thanks to Louise.